Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
