Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
