I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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