i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
