I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
