you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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