i think i have herpe
just one?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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