last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
