he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
