He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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