NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
