There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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