at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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