Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
