Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
