U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
