Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
