Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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