Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
