Dual....:-)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
