i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
