Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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