fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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