her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
