I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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