last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
