i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
