I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
