You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
