Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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