Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
