I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
