so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
