I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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