I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
