I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
