at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
