Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
