I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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