It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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