she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
