PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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