I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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