I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
