when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
