Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
