she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
