Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
