sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
