In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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