Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
