i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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