do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
