Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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