You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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