Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
