***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
