Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
