Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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