I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
