There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
