awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
