Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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