I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Come on in and take your pants off
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