Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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