i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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