is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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