God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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