Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
