If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
