Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...so i touched it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
