i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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