So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
