I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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