Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
