If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
