do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
