Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
