Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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