Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
