That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
