i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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