Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
