Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
