I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
