someone get that fucking seahorse.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
