You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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