Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
