I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
