i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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