Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
