so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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