we're blogging at a bar
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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