we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
