I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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