I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
