The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
