either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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