The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm both gender and math confused
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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